How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
if you take his cock out, you have to give him a bj. it's like giving a moose a muffin.
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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