Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
This kid is too lonely to be my drug dealer.
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
I've found myself wondering why I WASN'T naked before, but I generally always know why I am naked. Except now. WHY THE FUCK ARE WE ALL NAKED
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I think i just shit in their garbage can, I'm ready for that ride u owe bro.
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I spent all the money my grandpa gave me for Christmas last night….solid start to 2015
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
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