Someone just uploaded pictures on facebook of you making out with random girls. I'm telling you because I'm assuming you don't remember anything, but the 236 pictures in the album should give you a good clue.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Dude I am not desperate enough to pay my dealer in change. Maybe tomorrow.
siamese drinking twins saturday is a go ... bring duct tape.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I almost itched my nose with the lit end of a cigarette. Help.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I think anything that happens between 12 and 2 am is just sketchy enough to be a good idea.
My sister texted me to say she just found a corn on the cob in her purse from last night. You need to party with us more.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Sorry dude, one minute I was flirting with a bachelorette party from Dallas and the next I’m being tied to the bed by the bride
Trying to wrangle us an invite to the wedding
Randomize
