apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
like stop trying to get a relationship out of this when i'm clearly in the drunken mistakes part of my life.
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
how you manage to cockblock me from 500 miles away still baffles me.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
I got a lap dance in honor of your birthday last night.
Thank you.
theres a video...
oh god.
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
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