I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
there's chicken and sequins in our bathroom sink. part of me almost wants to know what happened
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
Ah that wonderful moment when you realise the bookmark you were using in a book you lent your mum is actually a receipt from a strip club
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
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