hooking up with chicks might be the way to go after all. walk of shame looks better in her clothes.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
i can tell by the sound of your bed that he isnt that good at sex.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Dear awkwardly drunk roommate, thanks for stuffing enough change in my clevage that I could afford a pepsi at work today. Sincerely awesome roommate that put up with your drunk ass
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
I've never had to kick an employee out of bed to go to work before.
She sent me a thank you card for not fucking her boyfriend...
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