I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
you know you go to a catholic school when you are rollin a joint with matthew 14:1-12
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Facebook stalking ex-girlfriends who went to rehab. This is my life.
The fact that there are multiple ex-girlfriends who have been to rehab concerns me
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
Duuuude someone spilled hot sauce all over the floor and trailing outside wtf
OH GOD IT'S BLOOD. THIS IS ALOT OF BLOOD.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
If you don't believe in my fighting skills, I don't know if we can be together
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
I’m torn. She’s crazy - like legitimately “Wear your skin as a suit” crazy. But her blow jobs and dirty talk are Pornhub quality!
Randomize
