Dude?? where did you go after Wildcats last night? Last I heard you went off with one of the girls we danced with?
Negative - This is his GF, Bobby is in Jail for a DUI. Thanks for the info.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
Guess who won bingo at the senior center and is going to jail all in the same night?
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
Please don't mistake my med student status for responsibility. I'm drinking tequila while studying vascular surgery techniques.
Say what you will, but only I can throw up on someone's door and make it look like art.
That's the last time I'm letting you drink that apple vodka
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
