god is playing jersey shore on new years on purpose. he wants me to play drinking games and die. i wish he knew how serious this is.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
I stood on the corner waiting to be picked up, dry heaving, and trying to block out the sun.
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
If Plan B had a rewards card I would have earned so many free tote bags by now
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Randomize
