I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
gona look into getting a tetanus booster and carrying an adrenaline shot...its going off this weekend
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
Watched twin sisters make out thought it was amazing sick on their part but legit to watch
I wish we could all take a bath together. Not in a lesbian way. But in a relaxing drunk in the tub sort of way.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
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