Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
I just googled how to quit your job and cause a big uproar at the same time....i tell you how tomorrow goes, i'm so excited....
i don't care who i fucked last night, until im at 43plus im not considering myself slutty
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
Last time we were that stoned we made a "everything you can fit in the blender" shake. Didn't end well..
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
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