why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
Someone is gonna learn how to start an IV in the morning
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
She seriously spent 30 minutes trying to make balloon animals out of my limp dick...
...
Exactly.
The only difference is Iv never super glued straws to your nipples.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Haha no we did it on his bed. Then rolled off into the bean bag. It was a strangely athletic performance on my behalf.
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
he was like tryna hang and chat and I was like dude there's an iguana in this room
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
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