i just masturbated with purell and my dick burns and smells like a hospital
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I should be nowhere even remotely near facebook in this condition.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Thought it only fitting this Jubilee weekend to snort lines with a 50 note
Your patriotism amazes me, the Queen would be proud!
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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