Ambien. No doubt about it.
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
At the miami airport. Don't know if it's all the tequila I drank in cozumel or the 5 year olds french accent but I might puke.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
i dont get why youre mad at me. i promised you he looked like jim morrison and you failed to ask me like which era
I woke up completely naked with the exception of my leg warmers. Last night must have been interesting.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Let's drink lean at the 5 seconds of summer concert. Give the teens a glimpse into their future as dysfunctional adults holding desperately onto their youth. You in?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
Randomize
