you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Your mouth is God's brothel.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
is that a crab cake on the shelf with the dvd's....?
you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
just found $310, wrapped in a rubber band, at the bottom of my sock drawer with a note attached stating, "Make it rain".
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
he spent like 10 minutes trying to convince us that he was throwing up in the bushes on purpose in order to cut weight for wrestling
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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