Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You texted me 'I am the leopard prince', with a series of pictures of you posing in what seemed like cat poses. you were not "a little bit" drunk dude..
IF HE CAN'T EVEN MAKE EYE CONTACT IN CLASS, I DOUBT THERE WILL BE OTHER FORMS OF CONTACT ON OUR FIRST NOT-A-DATE DATE
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
I was just trying to be a good friend but in retrospect I probably shouldn't have pepper sprayed you.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Things were going really well until his cousin showed up. She told him I look kind of like his mom, which started a ten-minute debate on my and his mother's specific features, and ultimately, who is prettier. Guess who my date picked.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
