I loved tuna sandwiches so much in grade school it was so embarrassing
Everyday all the kids would be like oh grosss whose eating tuunnaa
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
well i was about to unbutton his pants but then i realized they had an elastic waste-band, so no, that didnt happen
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
It was a sobriety test blowjob. If he could get it up, he could get me home.
You're a disgrace to the female race and the love triangle and halloween.
There no better feeling of self control than stopping yourself before telling your girlfriend she gives head just like her sister.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I was 40 minutes late to work today because I was getting fucked. Walked in to discover that it's apparently performance review day. Employee of the year.
I know you're here! I can hear your phoneeeee. Wake up and do illegal things with me.
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
