Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
everytime she opens her mouth i wish that i was deaf
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
The liquor store manager told us to drink responsible as we checked out and we laughed to his face. Like we're buying karkov at noon, responsibility is out of the question
He said "I wish they sold 40's in bars".. and a business plan came to mind. Maybe I CAN do something with my degree...
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Dude. Yeah. This is a game changer. I feel dirty and possibly pregnant and it hasn't happened yet.
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
And thanks! There are perks to polyamory. And birthday orgies are one of them
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize
