what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
she's an english major so her sexts are something i look forward to
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
