on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
She said "don't make this weird" and then proceeded to sniff me.
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
Buying a large dominoes pizza for a wasted 3 mile walk is the best bad idea ever. My mouth is on fire, probably broke my hand, and i may or may not have eaten street pizza.
How did you break your hand eating pizza?
Boxes are hard to see rocks through.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
You realize we were screaming in the car about our apartment next year because we can "bring home randoms whenever we want" and "stare at each other from our door ways"
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I was trying to sext but got a notification that my dad and professor both commented on my Facebook photo. Bad timing.
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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