She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I would describe it as pure and unadulterated shock, mixed with horror and a touch of nausea.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
Yeah but I was the kid who ran over your BMW and is banging your 15 year old daughter... There isn't a cool enough dad in the world to make that work.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
You chipped your front tooth on the toilet bowl. Should I call your dentist?
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
