anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Thats the last thing I remember and then I woke up in this Dutch kids dorm and he was taking a picture of me while I was sleeping
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
in line at jewel. the cashier is puking in a garbage can while ringing up customers. glad to know im not the only one that 2012 is kicking in the face already.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
Randomize
