you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Just walk straight and zig zag through cars tell you get to the road. That's where I am. Perpendicular to the doors do not make any turns
I love shooting for the middle. Those girls never wake up well.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
Is it possible to break your brain with drugs?
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
So the next time I call you and say I'm going to my first strip club because it's christmas eve eve, and have work the next morning, I'd appreciate you stopping me
I just came so hard my vision went blurry. I can only hope one day I'll find a man that can accomplish what my left hand does on a tri-daily basis.
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
I shouldn't have watched rise of the planet of the apes and then gotten high. I'm now convinced that the cats are out to get me.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Randomize
