I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
i dont know what to do
with your life?
no, with my silly bandz, im already wearing 3
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
I'm legit concerned I might pass out this weekend from having too much sex.
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
Mom said you looked used
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Randomize
