Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
your drunk ass trust falled a guy double fisting bud limes and as a result your head bounced off the patio table. So that might explain the stitches on the back of your head.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Who was that dick in the suit telling us to stop drinking?
The priest.
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
