two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Just follow the currents of life. And if they take me on to a guys dick, so be it.
Just used my flashlight app to find a gummy lifesaver I dropped on the floor
I like how you're utilizing your resources
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
I just sucked dick on a ferry
Also, let me tell you how embarrassing it is to match with someone who seemingly has their shit together at 4:45AM on a Thursday.
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