It's pretty bad when the convenient store clerk can tell you that you're earlier than usual for visiting the store.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
he came on my stomach, took his sock off, wiped it up, put his sock back on along with his shoes and left.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
thats the 2nd threesome ive been accused of this week
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I think he is using me to sort through his relationship issues, past and present. I did not sign up for this. All I want is booty. Am I the dude in this relationship?
BUT YOU GOTTA TASTE THE RAINBOW!!
That's what Skittles are for!
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
