I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
worst experience of my life. her nipples were sick. kinda like a venn diagram
He was the drug dealer that jumped out of his car to get my number
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
Dude. Cab ride home consisted of me making out with an Asian girl sitting next to my Dad
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Looking for my adderal, only found acid. What a shame
Apparently the cops had to handcuff me in order to get me to come with to the hospital with them. They asked me if I had had any experience with handcuffs before and I replied, "Only in bed." What a life
Yoooooo, the fat magician married the chick I dumped a beer on after I got pissed he was flirting with her in front of me
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