if you don't open the door right now liz is going to get pregnant
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
You "were" hungover, which is past tense. So that gives you no excuse not to go out tonight.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Day drinking is so dangerous way too many construction workers out there to flirt with
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
