jack dropped his pants and said "bet u've never seen a dick this big." which was really sad cuz i had never actually seen one that small...you have like pinch it between ur thumb and pointer finger to give a HJ
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
Mother fucker. I'm a 30J now. I'm fucking speechless
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
i like him when i'm sober AND when i'm drunk.i've been searching for this my whole life
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
Life goal: sit on his perfect beautiful David Archuleta-lookalike face
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
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