He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
Challenge: Try to have your balls hanging out in every picture you take tonight
Challenge Accepted
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
I want you to know that the guy who peed in your bed got fat.
Hmmm... I thought we agreed as a group we make our last stand in Philly...
I don't wanna go out like that. Covered in melted cheese smelling like a sewer rat...
The oven caught fire. I put it out, but called the fire department just to make sure it was okay since the smoke wasn't going away
You just wanted to meet firemen
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
