Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
he asked me to eat out his asshole. after five minutes of uncomfortable staring i realized he was serious.
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
And then god smiled down upon me and he said let there be hangover food and let it be Wendy's
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Bruise count after new years, 7. 2018 is looking up.
Randomize
