Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
I recommend just blowing him. It's always the way to go.
dont iron anything. we fucked on the ironing board. details to follow.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
My boobs love her too. She makes them feel important even though they're small
It was his birthday and he drunkenly offered me Portillo's and diamonds in exchange for a snap chat of my boobs. Even sober it seemed like a good idea at 3 in the morning.
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
I'm wearing the monkey suit out tonight. I hope you're ok with it leaving the bedroom
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
Please don't fuck the professor. We both know that won't end well.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
I'm eating animal crackers on my bed next to my vibrator writing about the hopelessness and depravity of humanity. I am LIVING.
Randomize
