You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
he had his head down and said he was listening for the buffalo, he had to still be drunk.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
I swear she's a drunk klepto...by the end of the night she had stolen 3 bowling balls. HOW DO YOU STEAL 3 BOWLING BALLS?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
It was an "I snuck in through the window at 5am with my underwear in my pocket" kind of night.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Randomize
