I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I turn the corner to find her walking in the front door in a tee-shirt, two different shoes and no pants. All she said to me was "I'm sad"
I'm that hungover student in class ... On a wednesday morning
Omg I think I'm in the wrong class
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
Btw I'm playing passed out so you can get laid but obviously you need to take the offense just ask him if he wants to go to bed and leave a cigg on the counter
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
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