i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I took a few sips of my hugeee bottle of liquid Vicodin and smoked my one hitter and now I'm going thru my attic like Indiana Jones
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
ERIN AND I ARE GETTING MATCHING VIBRATORS. I'M PEER PRESSURING YOU INTO JOINING THE CLUB. Besides we're the three best friends that anyone could have, you better not ruin that by being a pussy and not treating your pussy to awesomeness. That is all.
What kind of life do I lead that no one is surprised by the fact that I was watching porn at work with the hot 37 year old?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
Randomize
