Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
You are an asshole
haha sleeping beauty awakes.
Where did you find this costume?
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
You're not required to sleep with every guy that spends $10 on you.
He just texted me asking if I remember pinching his eyelid shut with my eyelash curler.
Valuable lesson learned: if you reach the point where you have to talk yourself in to finishing the last half of your beer, you shouldn't try.
You said you couldn't look at me because you would have to take off your sunglasses but you can't because they're the "guides to your eyes".
You went in the back with her.. And honestly I couldn't tell her neck from her tits man..
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
But no. So do not give him one damn penny. Unless they are in a sock and you are hitting him with it.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
