honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
he burped in my vagina and tried to deny it...
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
i woke up at 4 pm face down on my hardwood living room floor. i would say its a new low but i think I found my new napping spot
How did you tell her we met?
I told her that we met at the sex shop down the street, I thought it would be the most reasonable explanation.
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
Randomize
