i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
i just woke up and "where the fuck is taco bell" was in my search engine...
I may have been to starbucks and 2 classes with balls still written on my face...
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
She was cleaning herself at the bus stop. She also picked up gum off the ground and ate it
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
