Every time there's an awkward silence a gay baby is born
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
There's a warrant out for his arrest for throwing a mannequin through a bus stop.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Well, I had a dudes gf walk in on us the next morning but nothing during...She shook my hand after I got dressed and said "nice to meet you with your clothes on" best moment of my life.
The bartender had to walk me home last night. New high or new low?
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
We perfected the quiet ass slap during sex so his roommate wouldn't wake up.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
