We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
Those former-lesbian gone white-trash bars always seem to be your favorite.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
She said I came to for a minute, shouted IHOP!! and then shook my head and said no before passing out again
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
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