I'm taking a dump and eating a fortune cookie and it said "Force it to be successful"
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
I'm sorry..where i come from learning how to exploit a wealthy middle aged man is a right of passage
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
..i think i can hear you losing your virginity
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
I took did three shots of fireball and did and handstand. When I stood up some busty slut lead me my the hand down the hall into her dorm room.
But I'm sure your having and "a monumentally better time" repeating the 12th grade
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
Thanks for leaving me with drunk gabby
Hahahaha why what's happening?
She's sending me morse code through the wall....typical
Randomize
