We can't ever have kids because there's a chance that they'll end up just like us.
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
i did the responsible thing and pissed myself...
I would have rather watched a full length video of myself masturbating than heard that.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
