so after all day drinking, we went to an all u can eat crab place and i was going from table to table surveying the crowd if they though the crab i was carrying around looked like the flying dog from never ending story...what the hell is wrong with me?
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
Just realized my talking to the tv hockey voice is same as my sex voice. Life just got a whole lot weirder.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
oh yea it is. i was not expecting to look at a snowbank and just see flying mushrooms
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
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