Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
I asked my mom if I was the drunkest one in the room. With 8 days till I go back to school, I couldn't care less about being shitfaced at a baptism
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
I'm going for high school drunk, you've got 15 minutes to get here.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
We helped him hit the bowl to the point that he didn't even have to move
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
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