do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Actually, I take that back. You can only have it if I'm allowed to French braid the mullet.
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
Just want the two of you to know, I went to a golf tournament today. Respectable, expensive… Flipped the golf cart. Seriously, I'm 40. What the fuck?
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
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