I definitely ripped a mole off of her back in the process
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
btw when he was trying to sleep i was apparently poking him in the face w my 'flipper' slurring random manatee facts
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
Tonight, I'll be cleaning. And by cleaning, I mean drinking booze and spraying everything with Febreze.
get ready to load up the weird cannon and blow a load of buck-wildness all over the place people
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Randomize
