I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
Should I be curious about Jeffrey randomly sending me a picture of him holding a crab, or just move on with my life?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Ok- my dad's ex-wife's Irish nephew. Weird if we fuck or not?
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We have your weave and dirt in our room.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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