Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
I want an alcoholic time machine so we could skip to new years eve
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
Hey history final, how's it feel to be raped in the ass by my steel cock of ACADEMIC PERFECTION?
you are way too vulgar to be a girl
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
He would have to make magical things happen in my nether regions to actually make me vote republican.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I heard you coughing. Are you choking or smoking? And are you okay?
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I am laying in your bed and just found a bottle of wine under your pillow ...should have married you...
We christened the whole apartment and fucked on the balcony. It was amazing. I'm 100% sure downtown heard me climax. Now we can unpack.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
