why is it that everytime a half black man enters something boring, it suddenly becomes sexy to people? golf? the presidency?
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
It's dollar drink night and I have my honors society initiation tomorrow. Somehow I think this will not end well.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Randomize
