Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
his dick makes me think maybe a monogamous relationship forever is possible.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
It sounds miserable..I have to wear a dress and it's a cash bar?
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Hypothetically - think of it as Schrodinger's blow-job.
After round two, I told him he deserves an award. He bowed and did a princess wave WHILE his dick was still inside me.
Randomize
