My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Didn't get to fuck her. Had to leave abruptly through window. Explain later.
Managed to discreetly puke out of a moving streetcar window, in front of no less than a dozen people. Nobody saw/said anything. I feel like a legit local now.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just sponge bathed with a swissper. Thrush inevitable. Shaking.
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Dude she flew me 1000 miles down to see her, broke up with me 7 hrs after arrival, and kicked me out with a week left til I fly home. Thank god college taught me how to shack up
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She's currently upstairs fucking her boyfriend while I am downstairs making them a sex playlist watching her boyfriend's Weiner dog and large Boxer try and mount each other. Marvin Gaye is playing. This is the ultimate third wheel fail.
Out of desperation, I used the leftover sauce from my goat masala as a mixer for vodka shots.
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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