he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
I can't put those talents on a resume
If I die on my walk home, please come claim the body. There is $30 in my left shoe for you....for pizza
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I have a dinner date combo blowjob event with Tristan tonight.
Randomize
