I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
That was an excessively violent trivia night
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
Nice. Make him jerk off and tape it. Send it to his woman. I also love that you had another skype date
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
PSA. Do not shart while wearing a jock strap at work. That is all.
Randomize
