my boyfriend just named your boyfriend's penis.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
They had a "who can aim further away from the toilet" contest. I'm now washing piss off my ceiling.
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
I stumbled in at 6am to find my cat in the window making a noise I've never heard her make. When I went to the window there was a goat outside staring at us.
Are you sure? Or did you just think there was a goat?
No there was a goat. I gave it a donut.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
Text me some of your sweat
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
Randomize
