At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
She woke up laying on my kitchen floor, ketchup bottle as her pillow, in front of my fridge.
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Did everyone make it back alive?
You say that with such hope.
Is that a no?
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
Blow job bear ended up in my bed last night. She didn't live up to her costume.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Blasting venetian snares and drinking a beer. I love being an adult. It's like being a child but with beer for breakfast, better music, and no one yells at you.
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
