how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
Drunk me commented on almost all of her pictures. My favorite one is titled "be as the sea". My comment is "cold, rough, large and letting anyone come inside you. you accomplished." Guessing I'm not invited to the party anymore.
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Side note: I apologize for sex being the subject of every single one of my texts. That's what happens when you date an older man who constantly denies you sex on the basis of his ridiculous morals.
Randomize
