The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
so it turns out, not only do the doormen judge the girls I bring home, but they rate them.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
Sorrye. The bathtuv says hi. But theresno water in it. I've wanted too tell you for the longest, but nevr could
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
I wasn't a groupie because I didn't carry his guitar home
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
All of the hungover. I've changed not showered but can't quite make it to the booze.
WE'RE IN THE RED ZONE PLAY THRU THE PAIN
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
