drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
Last night I had a sex dream about Trudeau, he hasn't even been prime minister for 24 hours
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
I'm sure as hell not getting hoodwinked into going back to rehab again
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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