everyone made a circle around them and startd chanting fight fight. they wernt fighting, they were dry humping
We can smell you smoking weed from downstairs and your little brother is asking why the upstairs smells like gasoline. Please smoke in the basement. XOXO dad.
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
What a dumb baby whore.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
No Bryan wants to get drunk, rub inappropriate dudes legs, talk about my vagina and send me pics of his boomerang dick. That's not how you watch basketball.
That's how he does EVERYTHING!
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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