Picture the opening band right now: euro, beer guts, one member in oversized hipster lumberjack apparel, the other in childsized american apparel and shorts. Singing in german.
There is a pink thong attached to a bottle of svedka hanging from my ceiling fan..is this yours?
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
We decided to make playlists for each other. Do you know any songs that say "sorry I'm not as hot as your prostitute ex?"
She left a blunt and poutine on my nightstand with a note saying "went to the gym. be ready for round three when I get back" I love Canadian chicks
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
Randomize
