I am going to give you the keys to my place
Then I'll give you the keys to my heart
Gag me
One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
At what point should shame kick in? Realising I had a one night stand with a man engaged or realising I am that man's wedding photographer?
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
The closest I'll come to committing is leaving sex toys at their house
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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