Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
you dipped you banana in queso last night.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
It's the Ides of March, motherfucker. That means we're supposed to daydrink, right?
I think I just shit out all my problems.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
I sure hope so...I wonder if he could tell in that email that I'm really good at blow jobs. Hopefully he heard that tone. Any means necessary.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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