First guy to fuck a girl in the new tool shed. Her underwear is on the shovel hook.
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
Some kid in my class just puked in his backpack, zipped up the backpack, put the backpack on and walked out the door.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
Theres a midget tsa agent. Just an observation
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Congrats. You made me have an orgasm in Starbucks.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
one of my coworkers asked me if I was PMSing today...... excuse me sir, but it is none of your business as to what my uterus is or is not doing right now. fucker.
and yea, I'm PMSing.
Randomize
