***** fucked a guy with one hand last night
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
I just bought 7 working mopeds off a guy for $300. We are 60% of the way to our gay biker gang dream.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
You paid a stripper $40 to choke me out last night.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Someone messaged me on POF and wished me a Happy International Women's Day. Why do I even bother anymore?
Randomize
