No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
at what point did you think saran wrap was a better alternative to shoes?
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
I think I'm just gonna be a cat and wear slutty black clothes with some eyeliner on my face and pretend my ears got stolen by a drunk guy
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
