i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
I just noticed that when I sneeze...my nipples get hard.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Didn't know my clit could produce that many orgasms in one night. Fuck my husband; think I might have to become a lesbian.
Randomize
