If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
having sex with him was like banging macgyver. he did the most amazing shit with the simplest things
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
But the drunk streaking fizzled when one of jake's friends took a piss while running with a massive erection.
He peed my bed and tried to say it was just the wine. The red wine. On white sheets. He's not a good liar.
You aren't truly friends with someone until you play drinking games via text at 8:30 in the morning.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
