Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
apparently vodka and oj turns green when you throw it up
basic color theory
She's licking the seat belt now. Feeling a little uncomfortable
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
I accidentally put Bacardi in my coffee this morning. I ain't even mad.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
Randomize
