so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
if you were to get worldwide popularity from playing guitar with a plastic yellow bat while drunk on YouTube, would you hate me?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
I was handcuffed to a girl for half-an-hour. And I'm still the only one in the house who didn't get laid.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
Sweet tea and masterbation. It's how I manage.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
This is like 50 shades on steroids but with healthy relationship models and mutual respect among all parties involved and lesbian activity.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
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