Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
The best revenge is premature balding
Just bought a pack of cigs...gas station guy informed me i took off my underwear and tried to pop a squat by the milk last night...
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
in hindsight, the duct tape banana hammock was a bad idea.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
Its raining shots and i keep catching them in my mouth like you with dicks shits crazy
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
