Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
redhead is getting on the bull...again red head is getting on the bull!
I woke up after 12 hours of being wildly intoxicated, got jizz on my face, and woke up in a different bed than I passed out in. My makeup is still perfect. I'm writing Revlon a thank you note.
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
I just laid my head on this pillow and I smelt your penis. It was comforting.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
It doesn't count as "finding the lesbian" if you fuck a straight girl!
I'm pretty sure he sprained my clit...
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
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