i swear to god, this restaurant is playing a john tesh cover of a song from aladdin
I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
i am not above fucking your little sister on your bed
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
Almost propositioned sex in exchange for a study guide for my final tomorrow.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
WELL THEN WHAT DAY IS IT?!?! This whole having to choose between ruining my future and ruining my liver is totally killing my vibe
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
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