you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
Ended up getting hot boxed in a limo with a bunch of asians going to a karaoke bar. I think I pretended to understand their language for a solid hour. Am I bilingual now?
Surveying the reception hall and I'm fearing the worst possible thing that could ever happen...this might be a dry wedding.
.,.,you might have to leave
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
It's accurate though. I am legitimately passionate about pickles. I crave pickles the same way I crave sex. It is a deep rooted animalistic need
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
what did we do after we left your crib?
you layed down in some rocks for about an hour, you stole some pumpkins, you passed out and started shaking, we got t-bell, we took you back to the dorm.
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