sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Things i learned at work today: do not put mayonaise on a tattoo, it will get infected.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
Randomize
