i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
My gyno told me the birth control she prescribed reduces sex drive
wats the point then?
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
All I want to do is fuck in the bell tower before it leave this school. Is that too much to ask?
I finally looked at the pictures from last night thanks for feeding me and pulling my pants up
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
Dude the little bong I just got fits nicely in the cup holder in my car. The gods approve of my habits.
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
