I just walked into a tree. I think it's time to go home.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
Do you think there's anyone left in this world that hasn't masturbated in a computer chair?
Dude that chick had her name tattooed in Japanese characters between her b-cups. I kept calling her Toyota.
she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
I enjoy it and I rock at it. I wish there were a respectable way to make giving blow jobs a career.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Randomize
