My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I feel bad for his balls. Ive never seen so much sperm. He had to be dying
Somehow I've got the party rigged to where I get a foot massage every time someone wants a beer out of the fridge. Hellz yeah
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Walking into her house she felt something in her bra.... It was a used condom. Sadly enough this is not the first or last time it will happen. It's time for an intervention.
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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