I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Not sure why I sent you a picture of a black bear last night but it seemed like a good idea at the time.
Like I said I'm looking on the bright side. The bright side just happens to be filled with penis attached to hot marines
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
I feel like I was eaten by a coyote, then shit over a cliff...
They are taking turns pissing on the fire. This is my life.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
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