I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
I just wanna not walk straight. Is that too much to ask for?
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I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I tried really hard to get you laid last night. And by that I mean I asked a bunch of dudes if they were top or bottom.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
WHAT KIND OF GUY JACKS OFF TO A PICTURE OF A BUTT WHAT IS THIS THE 1980s
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The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
Can I pee and smoke my bong at the same time or is that like eating on the toilet
i was sitting on the kitchen floor shaking my gallon of vodka at people and asking if they wanted to climb the heaven hill... getting dumped is the best thing that has ever happend to me
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Btw I puked in your glovebox
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