He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
It was so delicious I was introducing it to people. Guy from my psych class was like "This is my girlfriend, Erica," and I was like, "This is my milkshake, Oreo."
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I'm about to make existential crisis tacos.
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
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