My liver just broke up with me...
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
5am update: in a toga seeing triple made out with both sexes
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
i made this one couple from ohio so uncomfortable that they left....and that was WHEN I HAD PANTS ON
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
Did you put Dave Matthews band on the playlist? It's really hard to funnel when "Crash Into Me" kicks in.
We could have mediocre awkward sex or mediocre stunted/awkward/uncomfortable banter. The possilities are relatively finite
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
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