I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Yeah i mean there's 3 guys fighting over me. It would just be bitchy of me not to get with at least 1.
My roomate just said the he would "tap dat" to the 13 out of control girl on maury. Im finding a new place in the morning.
I woke up at 3am naked and stroking a watermelon.
We need to talk about our relationship.
I just won a bet involving 10 tequila shots. You've got about 3 minutes
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
would you say our friendship is at the "help each other shave animal patterns in each other's pubes" phase?
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
She's like an enigma, wrapped in a riddle, tossed in miller light, inside a question. Nobody can explain a Heather.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
He forehead kissed me AND THEN asked what I was thinking. I'm taking away his man card.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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