I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Ok because I want to set a new world record for how fast I can drink away my Christmas money
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
Randomize
